Time to grow up baby countries

The use of toilet paper is just One of the keys to not being a shithole country

Recently in Washington, DC the administration held immigration reform talks with certain members of Congress. It was alleged by Democrat SOB’s that Mr. Trump had used the term “shithole” to describe shithole countries. Far be it for Mr. Trump to use an honest term (Washington hates that). Rather than just grant blanket amnesty to illegals, Mr. Trump actually wants to reform immigration to a merit based system where America took the best of other countries, not their worst. A world where America took from the best countries, not shithole countries.

The fact that most other countries on the globe are shitholes is obvious, that’s why they want to come here. Unfortunately, America is learning that if you import the third world, you become the third world. Plus, if all the people in the world were brought here, the earth would tilt funny and be thrown off its axis. No, the best answer is to make these shithole countries great again so they won’t have to come here.

You look at Mexico, and you say, “That’s a tall order!” To make a shithole country like Mexico great again. Its not really as tough as all that. I’ve developed a short list to turn these shithole countries into a place their people actually want to live. Most of them already have a decent climate going for them that beats the hell out of being under two feet of snow like the Midwestern United States.

1.) Build sanitary sewage treatment facilities around your country. That is the #1 key to not being a shithole country, not dumping shit into your rivers, lakes, streams, costal waters and land. This should be obvious, but evidently these other leaders have shit for brains. Oh, and teach your people not to shit on the street corner like in India, the Middle East and vast areas of Asia. The United Nations won’t tell you these things, so I will.

2.) Lay pipes. A great country needs people who bathe on a regular basis and don’t stink. You need to be clean for both health reasons and because people don’t want to vacation where the people are all stinky poo. Plus its great for business.

3.) Don’t chop people’s heads or other body parts off. Advances in DNA forensics (okay that was 25 years ago for us) have shown that many people are wrongly convicted, and if you chop somebody’s head off, its a little too late if down the road they are found to be innocent. Plus, have you ever tried to get blood out of things? And it just doesn’t look good to have public executions in the tourist brochures.

3.) Teach the 10 Commandments. That’s how all the great countries got their start, honoring and acknowledging the Christian God. The 10 Commandments are a great start to a functioning society. Not lying, cheating, stealing or killing will put you on the road to success.

4.) Discover landfills and pollution free incineration of garbage. If Ames can do it, anyone can. Those pictures of garbage floating down the river are not good for the environment or quality of life.

5.) Use toilet paper. Any god that told you to wipe your butt with your finger is an idiot. Don’t listen to him. (Ditto on marrying 8 year old girls or cutting the clitoris off them. You’ll just have to trust me on this that it ain’t right.)

There you have it, 5 Things that will put your country on the road to success. Okay so I combined a few under the same heading, but I think its clear. America no longer has the money to bail out you shithole countries. You are like little babies we have had to take care of and frankly we are tired of it. Grow up. And we’re going to stop fighting your dumbass wars. Besides not having the money, I’m tired of seeing funerals of decent American soldiers on TV, or their maimed and broken bodies in the veterans hospitals because they were over there in the sand settling your various bullshit superstitions.

Jim Roach

Countries where open defecation is accepted and practiced.


About Iowa Life

Experiencing life in Iowa.
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